How To Be Forgiven
To those of you out there who have deeply disappointed your spouse by being unfaithful, and who may be really struggling because you can’t seem to fix things, I have a few ideas that usually go a long way to repair the damage, and perhaps get you a second chance. The fact that you’re even reading this makes me think that you may deserve one.
Be Remorseful
Own your mistake completely. Let your significant other know that it was entirely your fault, not theirs. And nor was it the quality, or lack of it, in your relationship. Your partner is going to be wondering how they can ever trust you again. Showing remorse really helps them know that your past bad judgment does not represent who you will be in the future.
Worth a mention: Getting defensive makes things worse. So does arguing.
Tell the Truth
Cherry-picking what you think they should know and what they should not know is disrespectful. It’s also cowardly, and you’re better than that. Your spouse has a right to decide, with all the facts, whether to leave you or not. Surprisingly, if you are truthful, it is more likely that you will start regaining their trust back. Details are not helpful, but if they want details, then they have the right to them. Also worth an honorable mention: if you are caught lying about the smallest thing one more time, it is often over.
Be Forthcoming
Anything that you tell them about what you’ve done, before they learn it on their own, will only be in your favor. If all they know is what they have uncovered on their own, they will constantly wonder what else you did that they have not yet found. You will create a family detective.
Answer Their Questions
Your spouse will ask you a lot of questions, oftentimes the same questions. Be patient, and answer every question as though they had asked it for the very first time. Offer and provide evidence, both of your guilt as well as your innocence.
Bring it up First
You never want to send a message that you’re trying to dodge that difficult subject. So ask them what they’re thinking, and how they’re feeling today. Believe me when I tell you, they are thinking about it almost all the time. Sometimes when people go silent, it’s because they have been triggered by a line in a movie, or even a simple word. So ask.
Recover Together
Solve broken trust like partners. You will be sending the message that you are partnering with them, and not protecting yourself, or worse, the other person.
Work on Your Relationship
Try to spend time together, even if that time is quiet. Do thoughtful things for them. Make dates. Take long drives. Just be with them while they recover, and recognize their pain. Take their cue on lovemaking. Some people want to make love right away, repeatedly. Others take months and months.
There are so many other things that you can proactively do, and never do, to ultimately be forgiven. To gain a deeper understanding, there are many more tools, ideas, and real life stories of people who succeeded in restoring trust, inside the membership site. I hope these are enough to get you started, because you deserve a second chance when you’re truly, truly sorry. Good luck! Login as a guest and leave a comment!
Lisa Ryan
Relationship Expert – Infidelity Specialist – Personal Development Coach
Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better.
