Ever Feel Like You Actually HATE Him?
Boy! If I had a nickel for every time I heard this one! If you’re worried that you’re looking at your significant other and feel a deep disdain and loathing for him, you’ve got LOTS of company! A lot of people wonder if it is normal to hate your spouse.
He probably did something to completely unhinge you or make you feel unforgivably disrespected. I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re not alone. It’s likely temporary. But here’s a reasonably benign, though incredibly irritating collection of what I hear about the most:
What He Does
- He gives me advice I didn’t ask for.
- He pretends he’s listening to me when his mind is on another planet.
- While I’m doing 4 things simultaneously, he mutters a lame & passive verbal offer to “help” me.
- He announces something embarrassing to a group of people that I shared with him in private.
- He tells me I’m wrong because I don’t see something HIS way.
- He TELLS me about his plans rather than considers a possible scheduling conflict.
- His family RULES, while he must think I was raised by wolves.
- He asks me where every goddamn thing in our place is located.
- He doesn’t know the difference between a joint decision and a unilateral one.
- He asks me what’s for dinner every day, and we both work.
- He’s an ass when he drinks too much.
- He considers my full-time job a mere hobby.
- He thinks home and kids fall exclusively in the Female Only Zone.
- He thinks it’s my job to maintain HIS relationship with HIS mother.
- He can’t define intimacy or romance when pressed.
- He considers the remote control a male organ.
- He personally claims any and all extra space available at all times.
- He thinks “I forgot” is a valid answer.
- He shares bathroom habits as though it were a personal victory.
- He actually has no idea who I am, what I love, or what I think.
What You Can Do
So in this blog post I’m gonna take a pass on all the tools I usually supply, because that stuff only works when TWO people play. You may not always have that to rely on. So I’m going to tell you what I think you can do that might help YOU. Because you’re the smart one, you’re the one who gets it done, and you’re the one who will actually try stuff that works.
And also because he’s probably a pretty loving and decent guy or you wouldn’t be with him in the first place.
- Remember who he was when you fell in love with him.
- Catch him doing something thoughtful.
- Once you’ve selected your favorite channel, remove the batteries from the remote control.
- Give him a task he likes, like changing the oil in your car.
- Imagine him remarried to someone else.
- When he wants to know where the glasses are, they’re in the full dishwasher which needs to be emptied.
- Ask him to keep a silent score of each bathroom win he racks up.
- Pick your battles.
- Go through old pictures when he still shaved on weekends.
- Make a list of things you love and admire about him.
It is absolutely not unusual to find yourself looking across the table from a person who you do not recognize, and who drives you temporarily crazy. In truth, the same thing happens for them. I think it’s part of what happens throughout the lifespan of a relationship. So just hang in there. It will pass. And it will pass a whole lot faster if you continue to look for his goodness.
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Lisa Ryan
Relationship Expert – Infidelity Specialist – Personal Development Coach
Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better.
