Dangers of Self-Sabotage
There are many dangers of self-sabotage. First, let me start by saying that there is a time and a place to feel badly for ourselves and lick our wounds. It is part of the healing process. Like a bruise or any other physical injury, denying that we have pain is lying to ourselves.
But eventually the pain or the bruise lessens or even disappears. And even if that pain or that bruise is always with us, eventually we have to learn how to live with it and move ourselves forward.
The same is true with emotional damage. It is a mistake to permanently define ourselves with self-sabotage or pity.
It Keeps Us Stuck
If we choose to permanently see ourselves as victims rather than as survivors, then we will believe that we are permanently damaged. We will be unable to liberate ourselves from previous hurt to get unstuck. Further, keeping stuck with self-pity burns a lot more of energy than we realize.
It Blocks Growth
In the state of self-pity, we would have to live primarily in the past. Yes, we can feel pain in the present because of something that happened in our past. But we can never completely propel ourselves forward with full liberty to be everything that we can be.
Self-sabotage provides us with a life-long reason for why we can’t. It’s a prison sentence. And I want more. I want to always know that I can do anything I put my mind to doing. And I want the same thing for you.
It Generates Nothing Positive
For every second that a self-pitying person spends feeling sorry for themselves, they have forever lost that time they could’ve spent on something that generated something for the Good. Lost seconds and minutes become lost hours and lost days. Time is perishable.
So if you have taken a beating, definitely take a reasonable amount of time to feel it and learn from it. But don’t ever let it define you. It will get in the way of your future successes.
Negative Energy
People do not like to be near negativity for very long. We will express compassion for those struggling with their permanent defeat, and we will also ultimately back out of the room slowly.
Right or wrong, people want to be near winners and not losers. Right or wrong, people want to be near positive and not negative. So even if we’re feeling injured inside, which we absolutely have the right to feel, we have to make sure that we share our broken hearts wisely. We can’t make others carry our sorrow indefinitely.
It’s Not Brave
Few people make it through life unscathed in some way. We all have a choice. We can pick up the pieces and muster up all the courage we can cobble together. We can choose to go back into battle along with our previous injuries.
Or we can choose not to be brave. We can be permanent victims.
For 18 years I’ve heard so many horrific stories and have watched women get up off the floor, dust themselves off, and create change for the better. And I admire every last one of them.
If you prefer courage over self-pity, fortunately, you have a lot of company. Join our mission to lift each other up, and get your name on our growing waiting list.
Lisa Ryan
Relationship Expert – Infidelity Specialist – Personal Development Coach
Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better.
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