4 Secrets Men Won't Tell You
It’s always been so fascinating for me to learn how and why men hide behind a façade, unknown, completely to the women they are most close to. You may even ponder what things you need to know about men. Just as it’s not always easy to be a woman, for an entirely different set of reasons, it’s pretty tough business being a guy as well.
Here’s just a few things you need to know about men, maybe your man, that I’ve learned over the years from talking one-on-one with him in counseling for almost 20 years.
1. They Feel More Than They Let On
More than a few men are under the impression that feelings are a sign of weakness. It’s not that they don’t have emotions, they have many, but they are under the often mistaken impression that women may perceive them as soft.
It’s hard for them to see that vulnerability is not a synonym for weakness.
Also, men don’t say what they feel because they’re afraid of appearing unmanly. If you let your man know that you care, and that anything he has to say is safe and acceptable with you, he may trust you with his feelings. He likely wants to.
2. They're Not Sure What You Want
I could fill a stadium with women who don’t believe what I’m about to write, but still, I’m going to say it.
Men want to please you; they just don’t know how.
If you tell your significant other that you’d like for him to be more expressive, or to make more of an emotional connection with you, you might just as well be speaking to him in Mandarin.
Men need examples.
They’d rather not do something at all than do it wrong and look foolish. If you would like him to be more affectionate with you, be specific on how you’d like him to touch you and when.
Lots of men don’t know what kitchen foreplay means. Once they get it, they’re grateful.
3. Men Feel They're Not Good Enough
By and large, one of the most important things you need to know about men is they want to provide, protect and defend. They want to be your hero and your champion. I think it’s primal.
If he feels like he’s failed you, he feels inadequate. Worse, his discouragement may block him from showing up for you. It’s less painful for him to not try at all than to fail.
His relationship with you is a lot more important than you might think.
4. They're Not Clear on #MeToo
As I often say in my office, Ward Cleaver is dead. If you don’t know what that means, look it up! But so many men are unclear as to what is expected from them and how they should behave.
Men are no longer clear on the Rules. Personally, I don’t think anyone is.
If they open the door for a woman, is that offensive? If they don’t open the door for a woman, is that offensive?
How can he flirt safely? What is the difference between teasing and inappropriate behavior? All of these things are subjects that come up, in sessions with male clients.
They just want an instruction booklet so they can know what to do! And who doesn’t!
To be honest, most of my female clients aren’t really sure, either, about what is flirting and what is disrespect.
We have some work to do.
Lisa Ryan
Relationship Expert – Infidelity Specialist – Personal Development Coach
Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better.
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