6 Tips To End Your Relationship

 Difficult information is hard to deliver. It takes courage, a plan, and a whole lot of mutual respect. But mostly courage! So be tender but be decisive.

This is not a blog for people who want to divorce. Apart from delivering difficult and heartbreaking information, they bear no connection. The legalities of divorce are far more complicated than ending your relationship. 

That said, I know that it’s really hard to end a long-term situation, so I’m going to give you some guidelines that will help you, if you find yourself in this really uncomfortable position.

ending your relationship

1. Do It in Person

This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but you’d be surprised how many people tell me that someone broke up with them in a text message. I comfort them by telling them, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 

So make sure that you muster up the courage you need to deliver the difficult information that you have to declare. Anything short of that would be compromising your own dignity and self-respect. 

Don’t stay with a person who you know is a bad fit because it’s just too hard for you to break things off.

Have a plan in your head of what you need to say. Anticipate their possible responses. And be prepared to have answers for their responses that are kind but also gently firm. 

I think 30 minutes is enough time to allow them to process what’s happening.

2. Never Break Up When You’re Angry

There is no better recipe for doing something you may regret, or saying things that are unkind and hurtful, than ending your relationship when you’re angry. 

Of course it’s okay for you to be furious. But ending your relationship with a person because you’re angry carries no credibility. And you’ll say stuff that’s mean and insensitive. Plus you’ll regret it.

If you have been thinking about ending your relationship, and there’s something he or she does that is the final straw, at least deliver the information with calm and purpose. You’ve probably been thinking about the words you want to use for a very long time anyway. 

Just stay out of over-reaction.

3. Don’t Feel Guilty

Life is difficult sometimes for a lot of people. That is just a fact of life. Expect it. Though you are likely hurting or disappointing a person you care about by breaking things off, it is better than staying with him or her because you feel guilty ending things. 

When you’re feeling crummy inside, and you may, just remember that guilt generates nothing positive. Ever. 

You have a right to plot the course of your own life. It doesn’t have to include him. You are under no obligation. So table the guilt. And side-step guilt trips.

4. Make It Your Fault

This probably makes no sense to you, but I make this suggestion as a strategy. I call it “taking the hit.” Making a break-up your fault will be kinder on him or her. And it will put you in less of a position to have to argue or defend your point.

For example, if you say that you want to end the relationship because you’re incompatible, he may say that he will change in order to meet all your needs. That makes it harder. 

So take responsibility, take the hit, and you will not find yourself in that position of having to give them a second chance, or defend your decision.

5. Have an Exit Strategy

If you are expecting high drama or lots of arguing or tears, consider choosing a location that is semi-public. They certainly deserve privacy to accept difficult information. But you also deserve the ability to end the conversation and leave.

But don’t do it in a restaurant.

If you think that your information to call things off will be accepted in a reasonable way, then perhaps his place would work.

Never end a relationship at your place. It may be difficult to ask him or her to leave. Or they may not want to leave. So always make sure that you put yourself in a position of being able to exit on your own steam.

6. Don’t Make False Promises

Lots of people decide to end the relationship slowly. It’s better to rip off the Band-Aid than take weeks or months of unnecessary pressure and guilt for both of you. 

Why water a dead plant?

Some people have the ability to stay friends with people they’ve been intimate with. But most don’t. So if you don’t have kids together, end it. It’s kinder, in the long run, for you to set them free to find love again. And it’s also kinder for you to be out from under the artificial commitment.


I already know that you’ll be compassionate because you’re taking the time to read this blogpost. But remember that it is just as important to be decisive in your decision so they don’t feel led on.

Sometimes good people like you must deliver words that temporarily hurt.

It’s not a good fit. Be grateful for the information. Don’t squeeze your foot into a shoe that’s too tight. Find yourself a partner, once you have reclaimed your liberty, that feels comfortable.

Lisa Ryan

Relationship Expert – Infidelity Specialist – Personal Development Coach

Loves the big blue sea, homely dogs, the unvarnished truth, and making people feel better.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Elaine

    He left me after 27 years with a note on the table 5 months now never spoke to me coward

    1. Lisa Ryan

      I absolutely hate that he did that to you. Like the blogpost says, better to spend the rest of your life with someone great, than with someone who is capable of treating you so disrespectfully. Big hugs. And thank you for sharing your story.

Comments are closed.

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